The Gretch Who Stole Christmas — part I

Every Citizen in Michigan liked Christmas a lot
But the Gretchen who lived there in Lansing did not!

The Gretchen hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. The insane have no reason.

It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
It could be that Nessal wasn’t friendly at night.

But I think the most likely reason of all
Is that Soros told the Gretch to make Michigan fall

But whatever the reason for her Christmas hate
She stood there resolved to erase Christmas’ date

Staring down from Lansing with a sour, Gretchy frown
She was determined she was going to take Christmas down

For she knew every resident in Michigan cities
Were busy ignoring her silly mandate ditties

She fumed that they were gathering in homes far and near
Despising her orders that all should have fear

Then she snarled, with her Gretchen fingers nervously strumming
“I must find a way to stop all these Christmas homecomings”

She knew that Christmas would mean plenty of banter
In Michigan homes on the best way to supplant her

And then! Oh, the blogs!, Oh, the blogs! Blogs! Blogs! Blogs!
There’s one thing I hate! Michigan Blogs! Blogs! Blogs! Blogs!

They’ll go on the net together, with Christmas delight
Writing one and all about the Wretched Gretchy fight

Author: jetbrane

I am a Pastor of a small Church in Mid-Michigan who delights in my family, my congregation and my calling. I am postmillennial in my eschatology. Paedo-Calvinist Covenantal in my Christianity Reformed in my Soteriology Presuppositional in my apologetics Familialist in my family theology Agrarian in my regional community social order belief Christianity creates culture and so Christendom in my national social order belief Mythic-Poetic / Grammatical Historical in my Hermeneutic Pre-modern, Medieval, & Feudal before Enlightenment, modernity, & postmodern Reconstructionist / Theonomic in my Worldview One part paleo-conservative / one part micro Libertarian in my politics Systematic and Biblical theology need one another but Systematics has pride of place Some of my favorite authors, Augustine, Turretin, Calvin, Tolkien, Chesterton, Nock, Tozer, Dabney, Bavinck, Wodehouse, Rushdoony, Bahnsen, Schaeffer, C. Van Til, H. Van Til, G. H. Clark, C. Dawson, H. Berman, R. Nash, C. G. Singer, R. Kipling, G. North, J. Edwards, S. Foote, F. Hayek, O. Guiness, J. Witte, M. Rothbard, Clyde Wilson, Mencken, Lasch, Postman, Gatto, T. Boston, Thomas Brooks, Terry Brooks, C. Hodge, J. Calhoun, Llyod-Jones, T. Sowell, A. McClaren, M. Muggeridge, C. F. H. Henry, F. Swarz, M. Henry, G. Marten, P. Schaff, T. S. Elliott, K. Van Hoozer, K. Gentry, etc. My passion is to write in such a way that the Lord Christ might be pleased. It is my hope that people will be challenged to reconsider what are considered the givens of the current culture. Your biggest help to me dear reader will be to often remind me that God is Sovereign and that all that is, is because it pleases him.

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