“Therefore let the one who thinks he stands firm [immune to temptation, being overconfident and self-righteous], take care that he does not fall [into sin and condemnation].”
I Corinthians 10:12
(Amplified Bible)
I was 16, way back in 1976, when for the first time I witnessed, up close and personal, the crash and burning of a minister (youth) due to sexual infidelity. It was a royal mess and looking back on it over the years my sympathy and compassion for all parties has only grown together with my sorrow for the injured parties and anger at the ones inflicting injury. The Senior minister of the Church was left with the impossible task of trying to hold the work together since people in the congregation had a dozen views of what did and did not happen and who was really at fault. A young marriage with young children was scuttled. The popular youth minister in question, who had a huge influence on a rather large youth group, was out of work leaving behind him a large group of High Schoolers who were more than a little disillusioned with Christianity. I was disappointed, to be sure, but frankly in 1976 I was so trying to survive my own sitz-im-lieben that I didn’t have enough time or energy to get overly distraught by other people’s naughty behavior. Still, I was not so self-involved to not be able to see that this behavior had sent shock waves through the Church.
Since that summer of 1976 I have seen repeatedly, both up close in Churches I was connected to and from far away as more of a spectator the damage that marital unfaithfulness does in the Church when that unfaithfulness is contracted within the church. Now again, with the case of the former Rev. Stephen Lawson the Church is party to having to bear the shame, along with Lawson.
Naturally, when clergy are involved in sexual infidelity the blowback is even more intense. All of us who are clergy have to hear the refrain of “typical clergy, they think they are better than us and just look.”
Perhaps, the first thing that should be said then is, “we are not better than the laity.” The best of us are only unprofitable servants seeking to do what we ought. As you have known for sometime now, as clergy we are marvelous at disappointing you, of not living up to your expectations, and of being in need of grace as much as any of you who are not clergy. St. Paul was not kidding when he wrote, “Here is a trustworthy saying, worthy of full acceptance; Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.”
That admission does not excuse Lawson. Neither is it an attempt to do so. The sin of sexual infidelity combined and then dwarfed by the sin of climbing into the pulpit to preach as God’s spokesman while involved in said infidelity is beyond words. Beyond words, but not beyond forgiveness.
The challenge here is how to be, at one and the same time, squarely against sin, while realizing “there but for the grace of God, go I.” After all, Elders are required to be “gentle” and being gentle is a must when a man is repenting. (And it is my assumption here that Lawson has repented and is repenting.) If we only rail about the sin we come across as the self-righteous prigs we so easily can be and too often are. If we elide too quickly past the sin we may treat the sin too lightly and so not communicate the necessary warning to others.
Then there is the factor that leadership is ideally supposed to be held to a higher standard. Paul writes Timothy that the Overseer is supposed to be “above reproach,” and the “husband of one wife,” and Lawson has read himself out of both those qualifications.
Look, I bleed for the man. I know what I am capable of. I bleed for his wife. At this age she is supposed to be enjoying the sunset of children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and some kind of slowing down. Instead, she has to deal with this five alarm fire. Then there is “the other woman” who though responsible as well may well have swooned into the illicit relationship based upon some misguided admiration for “the man of God.” Alternately, it is possible that she was and is a real Jezebel. Have we mentioned all the hurt now that his children and grandchildren are dealing with given the devastation this has wrecked? Have we mentioned the congregation he served and the countless others across the nation that may well have looked up to Rev. Lawson? Really, the impact I witnessed first in 1976 remains the impact when this kind of sin bomb goes off. The hurt and shattered lives makes my soul ache. The greatest ache is that the name of the ever glorious God is brought into disrepute.
So, it is with mixed emotions I write about this. Fear, because the ability to write about this kind of event is so fraught with getting it wrong, thus doing even more damage. Sorrow, because of the trail of tears this thing leaves in its wake. Shame, because Christ’s name is dishonored and because I realize that I am perfectly capable of the same thing. Anger, for the obvious reasons. Funny, these are some of the same emotions I had in 1976. All of it makes me fleetingly toy with getting out of the ministry before I do something this wicked.
Some have written on this subject, probing the question, “How could this happen.” On that score, let’s be honest — this kind of thing is getting fairly common. While writing I can think of a half-dozen plus other similar high profile clergy that have been caught in this particular snare over the last 10 years or so.
The answer to the “why” questions are both simple and complex. At the simple end of things man has a sin nature that is only eradicated with his death. Simple explanations also include the truth that “stolen watermelon is more sweet.” The more complex range from living in a culture that drips with perverse sexuality, to the fact that high platformed clergy begin to believe the adulation that they are covered with (they begin to believe their own press clippings) and believing that no longer take heed, to the fact of the ego sizes that are often characteristic of too many clergy (can you say “narcissism?”) I am tempted to also offer as a possibility the lack of accountability but, frankly, it seems accountability anymore only works to keep orthodox men from being orthodox as heterodox men love holding the orthodox “accountable.”
Be sure of this though. Nobody who gets in this situation gets in it apart from a mega dollop of self-deception. The clergy who gets into a strange bed, while simultaneously maintaining the ability to climb into the pulpit week after week, really is a man to be pitied. He has seared his conscience while grieving the Holy Spirit. He has crossed some kind of Rubicon that one wonders how many return from.
But there is grace with God. Our Baptism reminds us that there is no sin we cannot return from if we will only do the grace given hard work of repentance.
Petition God, as I have been, that He will be honored in all this, and keep in mind that there is no reason why this couldn’t be you or I.
Wonderful piece, Bret