In lightning pre-dawn strikes SWAT and ATF teams across California swept in on homeschooling families throughout the State. Just arriving reports suggest that causalities have been low with only a very few home school parents being killed although in one particular case it seems that one of the home school cells had been tipped off in advance with the result that a firefight ensued that ended with all 10 members of the revolutionary band being killed. The good news is though that none of the States brave police women or men have been injured in the pre-dawn raids.
The raids have collected a booty of subversive pamphlets, books, and other assorted literature. Already Police have set up tables identifying this subversive literature for the press corps to examine. There have been countless copies of the US Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Magna Carta seized, as well as such little known works as Vindicae Contra Tyrannos, The Kentucky, & Virginia Resolutions, St. George Tucker’s commentaries on the Constitution, Benjamin Morris’s, ‘The Christian Life and Character Of The Civil Institutions Of The United States,’ George Buchanan’s, ‘De Jure Regni Apud Scotos,’ Johannes Althusius ‘Politica Methodice Digesta, Atque Exemplis Sacris et Profanis Illustrata,’ the works of John Knox, Samuel Rutherford, Patrick Henry, and other authors and works that ATF Chief Joseph Steele Bismarck said were, “funny looking and more funny titled, and which when considering their cumulative effect on these strange people are self evidently destroyers of the general will, public harmony and our American way of life.” Later once the full catch is collated Police hope to display other assorted novels, treatises, and political tracts in order to convey to the public the dangers of a wrong kind of reading and education. Chief Bismarck ended our brief interview by saying that “once all the heavy work of tracing the books back to those who criminally sold such books and once the haul is fully cataloged the literature will be burned.”
Those subversives arrested during the morning ‘strike for freedom’ will be fully debriefed by professionals flown in from Langley. Authorities on the site are saying, even if only in whispered tones, that they hope it doesn’t come down to using water boarding techniques to gain information from those who are hurting the children. Officials already have brought in a team of child Psychologists to help with the children who have been traumatized by their home schooling experience. The psychologist professionals are telling this reporter that if the children are young enough and if they can isolate the children in the context of intense counseling and with the aid of psycho-tropic drugs the damage done to these children in most cases is rectifiable.
However the State has decided that once the debriefing sessions are finished, those seized, who will eventually be mainstreamed back into American educational centers, will be required to wear a yellow Cross prominently displayed on their clothing so as to identify them as potential dangers.
It seems that in light of this pre-dawn liberation every segment of society is coming forth to weigh in publicly on this stunning victory for liberty. The spokesman from the ACLU, Marten Boormen has said, “the repression of the civil rights of these children was unconscionable. The ACLU will be filing amicus briefs in favor of the State if any legal action is filed.” Torry Quemada speaking for ‘The Children’s Defense Fund’ said, “Today California revealed that to be ever free a people must be ever vigilant. The California chapter of the CDF, in compassion for its most innocent citizens, supports this necessary work of the State.” Also we have a statements by two Church organizations. First, the Evangelical California Churches stated through their spokesman, Rev. Larry Beria, “today Jesus is smiling in heaven as the State’s children have been set free from those who practice the religion of oppression, hate, and slavery. Our chief prayer is that these people during their restoration will find Jesus.” Westminster West Seminary Spokesman, Rev. Dr. R. Scott Irons said, “The Church cannot speak to this since God’s word doesn’t speak to this though we are encouraged to see Presbyterian Judges like H. Walter Croskey, who signed off on this raid, working in the common realm to implement his vision of the Christian faith.”
There seems to be some debate as to whether or not the trials will be public as some State official are concerned about the possible lynch mobs that such a public trial could create, although officials concede that with the current huge backlog of trials the public energy created by these arrests could be well dissipated by the time these cases are heard.
3 thoughts on “More News From California”
Do you have verification or a source on this?
I was told by a reliable CA resident that no such thing has happend.
It is satire.
Imagine H. G. Wells and the “War of the Worlds”
Yeah Scholastic … that was kind of the point.