Dedicated To William J. Webb — Slaves, Women, & Homosexuals

Sung to the tune of Cher’s Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves

I was born at the font with the covenant sign
My tutor used to say, “What is Christ’s is now mine”
Pastor would preach whatever is true
Now our tomboy preacher, sings to us of the patriarchy blues


Women, Gays, and slaves
We hear it from clergy who say we’re bound
To exalt women, gays and slaves
At every turn all their numbers come around
and shout the faithful down

Somewhere the lefties grabbed hold of the wheel
Took over the schools, taught the faithful to heel
Seized all the pulpits, and at synod they won
Learned their love at Woodstock
The Church is now being run by the prodigal son


She was open to foolin, and they fooled her well
With their smooth 60’s spin
50 years later she’ a gal in trouble
And she’s about to give birth to her sin
She’s about to give birth to her sin

We’re now held captive to an egalitarian show
Skirts in the pulpits where-ever you go
Dark ages fall, turn out the light
Trajectory hermeneutic, wrong is now right

Author: jetbrane

I am a Pastor of a small Church in Mid-Michigan who delights in my family, my congregation and my calling. I am postmillennial in my eschatology. Paedo-Calvinist Covenantal in my Christianity Reformed in my Soteriology Presuppositional in my apologetics Familialist in my family theology Agrarian in my regional community social order belief Christianity creates culture and so Christendom in my national social order belief Mythic-Poetic / Grammatical Historical in my Hermeneutic Pre-modern, Medieval, & Feudal before Enlightenment, modernity, & postmodern Reconstructionist / Theonomic in my Worldview One part paleo-conservative / one part micro Libertarian in my politics Systematic and Biblical theology need one another but Systematics has pride of place Some of my favorite authors, Augustine, Turretin, Calvin, Tolkien, Chesterton, Nock, Tozer, Dabney, Bavinck, Wodehouse, Rushdoony, Bahnsen, Schaeffer, C. Van Til, H. Van Til, G. H. Clark, C. Dawson, H. Berman, R. Nash, C. G. Singer, R. Kipling, G. North, J. Edwards, S. Foote, F. Hayek, O. Guiness, J. Witte, M. Rothbard, Clyde Wilson, Mencken, Lasch, Postman, Gatto, T. Boston, Thomas Brooks, Terry Brooks, C. Hodge, J. Calhoun, Llyod-Jones, T. Sowell, A. McClaren, M. Muggeridge, C. F. H. Henry, F. Swarz, M. Henry, G. Marten, P. Schaff, T. S. Elliott, K. Van Hoozer, K. Gentry, etc. My passion is to write in such a way that the Lord Christ might be pleased. It is my hope that people will be challenged to reconsider what are considered the givens of the current culture. Your biggest help to me dear reader will be to often remind me that God is Sovereign and that all that is, is because it pleases him.

4 thoughts on “Dedicated To William J. Webb — Slaves, Women, & Homosexuals”

  1. The Girlyman

    THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
    The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
    The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
    And the girlyman came knocking—
    The girlyman came knocking, right on the old church door.
    His coiffed hair brushed back from his forehead, his face appeared languid and thin,
    One could tell a depilatory had been used on his silky smooth chin
    He was rather narrow at the shoulders: but wide at the hips and the thigh
    And then I definitely noticed,
    A bit of blue to accentuate the eye
    ‘Good grief’ I thought to myself, ‘he appears to be more girl than guy’
    Then he stood tippy toe on his black flats, I believe he was trying to see
    Inside and so I bade him enter for a cup of strong coffee or tea;
    Did no one from Grand Rapids call you to tell you I’d be here today?
    I’m here for the CRC,
    I’ve come here from the CRC,
    And to you I’ve got something to say.
    And there he stood before me, his presence not more than a wisp
    I noticed that he was limp wristed, and that he spoke with a lisp.
    I’ve come to see you and your session, I was told to do it today
    Would you be so kind as to call your elders,
    I require the presence of your elders,
    For they along with you, must hear what I have to say—
    See my work has been done in the others, PCUSA, RCA, UMC
    And I’m here to bring the same changes, to the once staunch reformed CRC.
    So I beg of you don’t press me sharply, and harry me through this day,
    Just give in resistance is futile,
    We’re the borg resistance is futile,
    Place a few women in office, and then next year someone who’s gay.
    It was then I stood up at the table, the 20 lb family Bible in hand
    Raised it upward and then brought it down on the head of the girlyman.
    He shrieked and rushed toward door, grabbed the handle and gave out a moan,
    Ah if only this was Jerusalem b.c.
    Yes if this was Jerusalem b.c.
    My Bible would have been the first stone.

  2. That is the funniest thing I have ever read…unfortunately it accurately summarizes the scripture inspired by the American god and the lifestyle which the unholy spirit encourages.

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