A New Hymnody For A New R2K Church Age

To the tune of “Onward Christian Soldiers.”

This was sent to me by a anonymous subscriber. I merely punched it up a little.

1.Onward 2k Cowards,
Retreating from the war,
With the Word of Jesus
Under lock and store
Christ the Royal Master
Tells his subjects “no!
fight not in the culture wars
Submit to your Nero… “


Onward 2k Cowards
Retreating from the war
With the Word of Jesus
Under lock and store.

2. Like a Frenchie army,
runs the Church of God
Brothers we are fleeing
Where Christendom had trod
We are schizophrenic
Split personalities
Contradictions in each realm
Norms without clarity


3. Crowns and thrones may perish
Kingdoms rise and wane
But the church of Jesus
All “Contending” it disdains
Gates of hell need now know
‘Christ’s army never prevails
We read Christ’s own promise as
“Don’t try and you won’t fail”


4. Inward turn ye people
Join our schizoid throng
Blend with ours your voices
In our effete song
Live a life that’s common
In the public spheres
Make no waves you pilgrim folk
Just spend your time in tears



Compare the R2K hymn above to a song in our Psalters that is also sung to the same tune

1 Christ shall have dominion
Over land and sea,
Earth’s remotest regions
Shall His empire be;
They that wilds inhabit
Shall their worship bring;
Kings shall render tribute,
Nations serve our King.


Christ shall have dominion
Over land and sea,
Earth’s remotest regions
Shall His empire be.

2 When the needy seek Him,
He will mercy show;
Yea, the weak and helpless
Shall His pity know.
He will surely save them
From oppression’s might,
For their lives are precious
In His holy sight.


3 Ever and forever
Shall His name endure;
Long as suns continue
It shall stand secure;
And in him forever
All men shall be blest,
And all nations hail Him
King of kings confessed.


4 Unto God Almighty
Joyful Zion sings;
He alone is glorious,
Doing wondrous things.
Evermore, ye people,
Bless His glorious name,
His eternal glory
Through the earth proclaim.


Author: jetbrane

I am a Pastor of a small Church in Mid-Michigan who delights in my family, my congregation and my calling. I am postmillennial in my eschatology. Paedo-Calvinist Covenantal in my Christianity Reformed in my Soteriology Presuppositional in my apologetics Familialist in my family theology Agrarian in my regional community social order belief Christianity creates culture and so Christendom in my national social order belief Mythic-Poetic / Grammatical Historical in my Hermeneutic Pre-modern, Medieval, & Feudal before Enlightenment, modernity, & postmodern Reconstructionist / Theonomic in my Worldview One part paleo-conservative / one part micro Libertarian in my politics Systematic and Biblical theology need one another but Systematics has pride of place Some of my favorite authors, Augustine, Turretin, Calvin, Tolkien, Chesterton, Nock, Tozer, Dabney, Bavinck, Wodehouse, Rushdoony, Bahnsen, Schaeffer, C. Van Til, H. Van Til, G. H. Clark, C. Dawson, H. Berman, R. Nash, C. G. Singer, R. Kipling, G. North, J. Edwards, S. Foote, F. Hayek, O. Guiness, J. Witte, M. Rothbard, Clyde Wilson, Mencken, Lasch, Postman, Gatto, T. Boston, Thomas Brooks, Terry Brooks, C. Hodge, J. Calhoun, Llyod-Jones, T. Sowell, A. McClaren, M. Muggeridge, C. F. H. Henry, F. Swarz, M. Henry, G. Marten, P. Schaff, T. S. Elliott, K. Van Hoozer, K. Gentry, etc. My passion is to write in such a way that the Lord Christ might be pleased. It is my hope that people will be challenged to reconsider what are considered the givens of the current culture. Your biggest help to me dear reader will be to often remind me that God is Sovereign and that all that is, is because it pleases him.

One thought on “A New Hymnody For A New R2K Church Age”

  1. Hilarious! I sand the whole thing in my head. What a contrast to the real thing.

    Something tells me the R2Kers will be to hard hearted to take this rebuke seriously, though it would save them from everything from irrelevancy to damnation.

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