The Advantages Of Public Schooling

Any experienced non Christian parent is worried about what the children of Christians may be exposed to while attending home school. They often ask themselves, “Isn’t it time that we forced those children into the enlightened classrooms of our public schools.” Don’t those people know how they are ruining their children and that their children are better raised by strangers then by fundamentalist parents? Recently someone asked me to list the advantages my children have over a child educated by homeschooling Christian Nazis.

Here is my list,

1.) My child learns how to work in groups and how to get along with others. The public schools have taught them to rely on the group and to find their identity in the group. Why, just last week, little Lou-Ann came home and said that her peers at the school had decided to do something different as a group and together had decided to have a “Dress as a chaste and modest lady” day. I thought that was so cute and indicative of how Lou-Ann and her peers have learned how to work in groups. No more of the independent thinking that gets in the way of group progress.

2.) My girls learn how to put prophylactics on cucumbers and bananas. I find safety and cleanliness in food preparation to be important to me and so I think it is wonderful how the public school takes up home economics in the Kitchen and is proactive in protecting vegetables and fruit from Sudden Tainting Disease (STD’s).

3.) I love the creative new vocabulary my children learn in school. My boys now affectionately refer to me as (sniff sniff) Dad’s “Ho,” (doubtless short for my given name “Hortensia”) and the girls have taken to affectionately calling their Father, “pimp” (I think it is short for “paterfamilias”). Even I have picked up some of the kids language as when I am in a hurry filling out forms I simply put in “Ho,” when asked my name.

4.) I have come to appreciate the body art that my children learn at school. I’ve learned from my children the improvement upon the body beautiful that a hole in the ear can be or Chinese lettering across the chest. And my darling girl put the cutest little serpent on her right calf.

5.) The teachers have become special to me and my children, and boy do they love the kids. Why just last week I saw the History teacher giving my 13 year old Lisa an affectionate hug goodbye. He even kissed her but as he is from France, I know that was just a cultural demonstration. Also the 22 year old new lady English teacher has a very close relation to my 18 year old son. Just last week my husband and I came home from a business trip and she was at the house conjugating verbs with my son. Such dedication. Before that they were studying his reading assignment in D. H. Lawerence’s “Lady Chatterly’s Lover.”

6.) My children have learned that other cultures are just as valuable as their great great grandparents culture. They have learned the beauty of gangsta rap is just as full of rapture as the beauty of Bach or Mozart. They have learned that pants worn around the knees, thus revealing colorful boxer shorts, is just as stylish as a Tuxedo. They have learned that burning widows with their dead husbands is just as acceptable as letting widows stay alive after their husband’s death. They have learned that the definition of “theft,” or “loose” is culturally variant. They have learned that since one can find sodomy in animal cultures therefore we know that sodomy among humans is a beautiful thing. Funny thing is that they’ve especially come to see the beauty in Jewish culture. Viva la culture.

7.) The schools have made my children very smart. They have learned to read road signs if I slow down enough and they have learned how give change back for a quarter. They have learned that the world is melting. They have learned that Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, and Franklin Roosevelt were our greatest Presidents. They have learned how the white man has oppressed the world. They have learned about six million Jews being oven baked (Why, they even watched Schindler’s List in class), and they learned about how gays and lesbians, like the Jews, have been oppressed. They have learned how Christians have often been behind world wide oppression.

8.) The schools have excelled at teaching the children civics. They have learned that the Constitution is a document of negative powers, and being taught to be positive people they have learned that being negative is a bad thing and so the Constitution needs to be changed. They have learned that the State always has the people’s best interest at heart and they have learned that people have rights (health care, homes, food, peace, safety from guns, etc.) for which a good government must provide.

9.) They have learned how to support one another in grief. The school has taught them well to be sympathetic in the midst of the multiple suicides of their peers. Down this line, the school has taught them not to be judgmental and that they should support their peers who are sexually active with dead people, with farm animals and with dead farm animals. My children are the most non judgmental people I know. They will support anything.

10.) The school doesn’t get into all that “god stuff.” We pray at every meal (God is great, God is good, thank you God for this meal) and we don’t need the schools worrying about God. Even our preacher agrees with us on this score.

We are very thankful for our children attending public schools and we earnestly desire that home schooled children could experience all of this.

Author: jetbrane

I am a Pastor of a small Church in Mid-Michigan who delights in my family, my congregation and my calling. I am postmillennial in my eschatology. Paedo-Calvinist Covenantal in my Christianity Reformed in my Soteriology Presuppositional in my apologetics Familialist in my family theology Agrarian in my regional community social order belief Christianity creates culture and so Christendom in my national social order belief Mythic-Poetic / Grammatical Historical in my Hermeneutic Pre-modern, Medieval, & Feudal before Enlightenment, modernity, & postmodern Reconstructionist / Theonomic in my Worldview One part paleo-conservative / one part micro Libertarian in my politics Systematic and Biblical theology need one another but Systematics has pride of place Some of my favorite authors, Augustine, Turretin, Calvin, Tolkien, Chesterton, Nock, Tozer, Dabney, Bavinck, Wodehouse, Rushdoony, Bahnsen, Schaeffer, C. Van Til, H. Van Til, G. H. Clark, C. Dawson, H. Berman, R. Nash, C. G. Singer, R. Kipling, G. North, J. Edwards, S. Foote, F. Hayek, O. Guiness, J. Witte, M. Rothbard, Clyde Wilson, Mencken, Lasch, Postman, Gatto, T. Boston, Thomas Brooks, Terry Brooks, C. Hodge, J. Calhoun, Llyod-Jones, T. Sowell, A. McClaren, M. Muggeridge, C. F. H. Henry, F. Swarz, M. Henry, G. Marten, P. Schaff, T. S. Elliott, K. Van Hoozer, K. Gentry, etc. My passion is to write in such a way that the Lord Christ might be pleased. It is my hope that people will be challenged to reconsider what are considered the givens of the current culture. Your biggest help to me dear reader will be to often remind me that God is Sovereign and that all that is, is because it pleases him.

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