You know you’re a Wesleyan when
10.) Your new 22 y/o Pastor, fresh from College tells you he is entirely sanctified and now no longer sins … and you believe him.
9.) John 3:16 proves Calvinists are heretics.
8.) You’ve been saved four times and sanctified twice.
7.) There are 5 seasons. #5 is “Season of Prayer.”
6.) You hate Pentecostals because they are consistent Wesleyans.
5.) Graduating from a Wesleyan College you remain dumb as a box of rocks. (I can say this because I graduated from one.)
4.) You wonder, “what’s with Churches that don’t have altar calls every week?”
3.) You remember when John Maxwell was just a really hokey Pastor from Skyline
2.) Summer church camp was where you learned about girls and the art of making out. You looked forward to summer camp every year with great anticipation.
1.) You know “DS” officially means “District Superintendent.” You also know that “DS” also has an insider meaning that isn’t quite as flattering though far more accurate.
You Know You’re A Calvinist If,
10.) You’ve ever got thrown out of a Church for quoting Scripture.
9.) You’re constantly walking away from family reunions muttering, “A prophet has no honor in his own country.”
8.) You know what WCF, BCF, HC, LBC 1689, PCA, OPC, RCA, CRC, URCNA, Can-Ref, RPCNA, ARP, mean and use them in your conversation routinely.
7.) You can’t find a Church to attend.
6.) You have so many grandchildren you can’t remember all their names.
5.) Your fantasies include seeing Cultural Marxist Clergy and R2K clergy on two sides of the same spit roasting over an open fire.
4.) You throw parties upon the death of the notoriously wicked.
3.) You know that Imprecation is not a city in Rwanda.
2.) Your wife prefers working under her husband as a covenant head as opposed to some strange male at some strange workplace.
1.) You’ve contemplated how burning down all the Seminaries would be a good start.
