You Might be a Conservative Presbyterian if…

You might be Conservative Presbyterian if….

12.) You cannot find it in yourself to be outraged by the grossest perversity creeping into your denomination preferring instead to chatter on endlessly about the need to find unity.

11.) You oppose abortion by supporting side-B sodomy.

10.) You believe “a woman can do anything a non-ordained man can do,” forgetting that unlike non-ordained men a woman cannot impregnate another woman. Well… not usually.

9.) You support gay culture, being gay, and the ordination of gay ministers as long as they don’t practice that thing that defines the meaning of being gay.

8.) You believe complementarianism needs to move more towards egalitarianism allowing egalitarianism to move towards an androgyny social order… all the while planning to move towards androgyny for the next General Assembly.

7.) You believe in “good faith subscription” which means your confession is a moving target.

6.) You use women Elders but you just call them “Women Leaders.”

5.) You pee sitting down.

4.) You are just now opening your church from the Deep State Virus scare but are doing so making sure the cousins don’t sit too close together.

3.) Your Elders passed out the Sacraments with masks and gloves on and could do so by tossing the elements as contained in a two-sided handy dandy peal-back styrofoam container.

2.) Your minister said more than once from the pulpit that loving our neighbor as well as obeying the magistrate required everyone to wear a mask in Church.

1.) You sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic every Sunday prior to 04 July and you recognize all your veterans by having them stand on the Sunday prior to Memorial Day.

Author: jetbrane

I am a Pastor of a small Church in Mid-Michigan who delights in my family, my congregation and my calling. I am postmillennial in my eschatology. Paedo-Calvinist Covenantal in my Christianity Reformed in my Soteriology Presuppositional in my apologetics Familialist in my family theology Agrarian in my regional community social order belief Christianity creates culture and so Christendom in my national social order belief Mythic-Poetic / Grammatical Historical in my Hermeneutic Pre-modern, Medieval, & Feudal before Enlightenment, modernity, & postmodern Reconstructionist / Theonomic in my Worldview One part paleo-conservative / one part micro Libertarian in my politics Systematic and Biblical theology need one another but Systematics has pride of place Some of my favorite authors, Augustine, Turretin, Calvin, Tolkien, Chesterton, Nock, Tozer, Dabney, Bavinck, Wodehouse, Rushdoony, Bahnsen, Schaeffer, C. Van Til, H. Van Til, G. H. Clark, C. Dawson, H. Berman, R. Nash, C. G. Singer, R. Kipling, G. North, J. Edwards, S. Foote, F. Hayek, O. Guiness, J. Witte, M. Rothbard, Clyde Wilson, Mencken, Lasch, Postman, Gatto, T. Boston, Thomas Brooks, Terry Brooks, C. Hodge, J. Calhoun, Llyod-Jones, T. Sowell, A. McClaren, M. Muggeridge, C. F. H. Henry, F. Swarz, M. Henry, G. Marten, P. Schaff, T. S. Elliott, K. Van Hoozer, K. Gentry, etc. My passion is to write in such a way that the Lord Christ might be pleased. It is my hope that people will be challenged to reconsider what are considered the givens of the current culture. Your biggest help to me dear reader will be to often remind me that God is Sovereign and that all that is, is because it pleases him.

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