You might be Conservative Presbyterian if….
12.) You cannot find it in yourself to be outraged by the grossest perversity creeping into your denomination preferring instead to chatter on endlessly about the need to find unity.
11.) You oppose abortion by supporting side-B sodomy.
9.) You support gay culture, being gay, and the ordination of gay ministers as long as they don’t practice that thing that defines the meaning of being gay.
8.) You believe complementarianism needs to move more towards egalitarianism allowing egalitarianism to move towards an androgyny social order… all the while planning to move towards androgyny for the next General Assembly.
7.) You believe in “good faith subscription” which means your confession is a moving target.
6.) You use women Elders but you just call them “Women Leaders.”
5.) You pee sitting down.
4.) You are just now opening your church from the Deep State Virus scare but are doing so making sure the cousins don’t sit too close together.
3.) Your Elders passed out the Sacraments with masks and gloves on and could do so by tossing the elements as contained in a two-sided handy dandy peal-back styrofoam container.
2.) Your minister said more than once from the pulpit that loving our neighbor as well as obeying the magistrate required everyone to wear a mask in Church.
1.) You sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic every Sunday prior to 04 July and you recognize all your veterans by having them stand on the Sunday prior to Memorial Day.