This post is from a friend of mine. It is a new politically correct rendition of “Is Your Mama a Llama.” This is a children’s book which I remember reading to my children when they were wee ones. What follows is from Mickey Henry,
This morning, I overheard my wife reading “Is Your Mama a Llama?” to Christian, and it occurred to me how very offensive it would be to postmodern sensibilities if the author had used people rather than anthropomorphized animals as the topic. So I thought I’d write an abbreviated version appropriate for postmoderns:
“Is Your Mama a Llama?” for Postmoderns
“Is your mama a llama?” I asked my friend Dave.
“It’s really hard to say.” is the answer Dave gave.
“She was born to parents who identified as bats.
But she could easily choose to be a rat or a cat.”
“Oh,” I said. “You are right about it all.
I think that your mama sounds more like a…
“Is your mama a llama?” I asked my friend Fred.
“I’m not sure how to answer.” is what Freddy said.
“My mama’s become my daddy, at least in his head.
If you question his transition you’ll wish you were dead.”
“Oh,” I said. “You needn’t assail,
I think that your mama must actually be…
“Is your mama a llama?” I asked my friend Jane.
“Yes, no, and everything else.” Jane curtly explained.
“Kind-after-kind is a foolish old Biblical notion.
Adjust your thinking and your rigid devotion.”
“Oh,” I said. “I need worldview destruction,
because I mistook your mama for a…
Our God sits in heaven and does laugh
At the wicked who will one day be chaff
At the open revolt raised on the earth
Like a wine that fills Him with mirth
So to Him are the rebellious riffraff
God laughs at Sunday worship miscue
At minister’s contradictory spew
Each Lord’s Day is comedy hour
An insult to His Omnipotent power
He belly laughs over the humanist stew
Then there is the innovative R2K mess
A reinterpretation of what we confess
The Federal Vision and NPP theories
God’s laughter makes Heaven cheery
Heaven giggles at the neo-Marxist abscess
There is a divine deafening guffawing roar
That makes the heaven’s martyr heart soar
God views the rebel practice of “wedding”
Divinity howls at two male outlets a-bedding
It’s God’s own jester and troubadour corps
Excuse God when He giggles and is snickering
As He follows the transgender pronoun dickering
Ze, hir and Zir gives God the side-splitting bends
His laughter rebounds to all of earth’s ends
There’s something funny about LGBTQ bickering
God considers the doings of the rebel hoi polloi
The academic and professorial girls and boys
He considers their serious “social sciences”
Psychology, sociology and humanist appliances
And God continues to delight in His laughter and joy
So heaven laughs at the wicked who scheme
Cherubim and Angels also enjoy the comedic theme
God laughs with His righteous who see
How proper it is to join the Divine Comedy
Laughing till the end of the rebel’s dark dream
They talk to us of an immanent God
As if man were the true Transcendent;
As if man were judge of all the earth,
And God the poor defendant.
As if God were arraigned with a very black case,
On the skill of His lawyer dependent,
And “I wouldn’t like to be God,” says one,
“For His record is not resplendent.”
They talk to us of a pleading God
As if man were the true inspector
As if man were casting the tiebreaking vote
To determine if God would be victor
As if God is submitting His career resume
For the position of ‘Lord Protector’
And they wonder if God can secure the job
From those who are the electors
They talk to us of a relevant God
As if man held the true plumb line
As if man were now fashion consultants
To determine what’s elegantly divine
As if God needs a cosmetic makeover
Before in His house, we’ll recline
It’s amazing what can be done with a God
In order to keep him up with the times