The first Tuesday in November had always been election day in Hobbiton. Traditionally Hobbiton ballots had been filled with last names like “Hornblower,” “Took”, “Proudfoot,” “Barrowdown,” and “Brandybuck.” The 2008 ballot still had many of those names but at the top of the ticket of the two major parties were names that weren’t as common or familiar to Hobbiton ballots.
When it came to voting on who would lead the West the Hobbits had the choice of Sauron vs. Saruman. Now there were third party candidates like Gandalf, Elrond, and Faramir, but the majority of Hobbits had been convinced that those third party candidates didn’t stand a chance and so like cattle heading to the milk parlor to be milked, the Hobbits headed to the polls to vote for Sauron or Saruman.
The debate in Hobbiton during the election cycle had been vicious. There were those Hobbits whose families had been sturdy for centuries who had been lured to the Dark side and were advocating for Sauron. These deluded Hobbit minions of Sauron (like Ted Sandyman the Miller, and the Sackville-Bagginses) promised that Sauron would make everybody equal, painting verbal pictures of the equality that existed in the enchanted land of Mordor. This campaign technique swayed many Hobbits into the Sauron camp since they no longer read the works of Frodo Baggins, which would have instructed them quite to the contrary. Sauron promised a Hobbiton where not only privileged Hobbits would own rings. Sauron pointed out how unfair it was that only the privileged could own rings and so Sauron promised that every Hobbit would own rings in a Sauron administration.
On the other side the supporters of Saruman pointed out how much better Saruman was then Sauron. They reminded all the Hobbits of how bad Sauron’s policies were. They connected Sauron to shady characters like Smeagol, B. Al Rog, and the radical terrorist organization N.A.Z.G.U.L. There were even internet rumors that there were sinister alliances between Sauron and Goblins. Saruman’s basic campaign motto in Hobbiton was “I’m not Sauron.” But informed Hobbits who were voting third party realized that the difference between Sauron and Saruman was the difference between a wolf and a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
The Hobbiton’s refused to listen to third party candidates like Gandalf who warned that both Sauron and Saruman agreed on the issue of opening the borders of Hobbiton to Cave Trolls, Blow-Spiders and Wolves. Even if they believed Gandalf, large numbers of them refused to vote for Gandalf since “he had no chance to win.” The Hobbiton’s refused to listen to third party candidates like Elrond who warned that both Sauron and Saruman would enslave Hobbiton and Hobbits for generations to come. Elrond and Gandalf alike pleaded with the Hobbits that they awaken to the reality that Sauron and Saruman would each destroy them.
The first Tuesday in November came with anticipation. The only thing that was certain was that Hobbiton was headed into the twilight of its existence. The Hobbits had lost their will to be a free people.
3 thoughts on “Election Day In Hobbiton”
Witty Bret, witty. Out of curiosity, were you intentionally misspelling Saruman’s name throughout the piece? One of the candidates does come across as quite a “sour man” after all.
I wish I were that witty, but it was just a spelling error.
I suppose even those doggedly reformed men such as yourself are entitled to a felicitous mistake (of the key-striking variety, anyhow) now and again.