My Dearest Trannie Paramour – Kitten,
After shooting a larger than life world known celebrity I wanted to sit down and write you a Shakespearean sonnet. All the things pressing on my mind right now evaporate when I think about you. It may be true that everybody’s looking for me but not to worry sweet-pea … I can afford 15 minutes of time to sit here and write you this essay. I mean what is love if you can’t take a few minutes to sit down and write your love interest in the context of a massive manhunt?
I wanted to take the knowledge of my committing this crime to my grave but since it’s just you and I talking here with no threat of anyone ever being able to dredge up this communication I thought I would give you every bit of information that the FEDS might need, if they discovered this, to convict me. I know how understanding you can be, what with your silly sexy pronouns.
With all this manhunt surrounding me the one thing I’m worried about is how mad Dad’s going to be for my losing Grandpa’s rifle. Grandpa loved his Mauser and Dad’s really going to be mad at me about leaving this .30-06 Mauser of Grandpa’s behind. I suppose Dad could be mad at me about this assassination trouble but I know he’s really going to be steamed about losing Grandpa’s rifle. You think Grandpa will ever forgive me?
Oh… did I mention that I left a palm print on the stock. Silly me. You know how forgetful I can be.
But I did remember to bring a couple changes of attire.
Well, I hope I got all this punctuation correct. You know how I hate grammar errors.
Anyway …. I want you to know I did this all for you sweet-pea.
Hugs & Kisses
XXXOOXO
Tyler Robinson
P. S. – Wouldn’t it be crazy if they tried to pin all this on the Bagels?
P. P. S. – I’m super worried about getting caught but it’s OK cause I’m going to turn myself in.