In attending various funerals one has a real glimpse into worldviews if only in the way they are conducted. A Lutheran funeral tells me a great deal about the way Lutherans think. A Wesleyan funeral tells me a great deal about the way Wesleyans think. The same is true of Pentecostal, Reformed, Catholic funerals. They all serve as a clear window into the belief system and the behavioral consequences of that belief system into those attending who belong to one of the faith expressions.
Of course, the same is true about pagan funerals where it is clearly seen that the people are without God and without hope.
I find it all very fascinating. I often have to remind myself at a funeral that I am not there to analyze but to pay my respects.
I worked for a funeral home for awhile and so was exposed to a large number of funerals. I had to quit that job because what I was seeing and hearing at funerals were working depression in me because they were so shallow and hopeless.
I went to a Holiness funeral recently. Large number of references to God, the power of God, the Love of God, the change wrought by God in the deceased’s life. However, the word “Cross” was not mentioned once.
I attended a Pentecostal funeral once — this one really stands out — and in the middle of the funeral some lady spoke in tongues followed by her husband’s interpretation of the tongues spoken by his wife. I don’t remember the interpretation. I do remember thinking, “even here, in this setting?”
I officiated at my father’s funeral and clearly articulated that I did not know of any time my father embraced Christ. Afterwards, a woman who was a complete stranger to me, came up to me and as clearly agitated she kept insisting that “your father will one day be the angel who comes to collect you when you are dying.” I remember thinking, “Lady, that would likely not bode well for me.” The point here is that the woman was quite uncomfortable with the idea that some people might not be in heaven.
I attended a funeral once of someone who perished in a horrible car accident and the first words out of the minister’s mouth were… “I want to let everyone here know that God had nothing to do with this.” That was the funeral that pushed me into quitting working at the funeral home.
When I was 17 I attended a funeral of a remote family member. I was concerned for their soul and so I asked the minister afterward if he thought that my family member had trusted Christ. He smiled at me condescendingly and asked, “Why would you be concerned about that?” That response has always stuck in my memory.
In South Carolina I co-officiated a funeral where the Pastor kept repeating in the eulogy … “James loved his truck.” After each statement that “James loved his truck” the Pastor would tell of how it was known that “James loved his truck.” It is a standing joke now in the McAtee household to say … “Yeah, but James loved his truck.”
More than a few times in the ministry where I have co-officiated a funeral service I was compelled to correct some really bad theology. I never said “What you just heard was shinola.” Most often what they had heard that was shinola was something like, “And if people liked you when you die you’ll also go to heaven.” I would make it clear when I spoke that “in life as well as in death our only hope is the atoning Cross work of Jesus Christ.” Some of my most satisfying moments as a minister was in these kinds of settings someone unknown to me would come up to me afterwards, pull me aside and say, “Thank you for setting the record straight.” I have had more than a few co-officiants refuse to talk to me after a funeral because they understood that I verbally stepped on their toes.
It’s also worked in the other direction. I once had to do a funeral for a suicide victim. The family felt shame. The sister even felt compelled to stand up during the funeral and say that her brother wasn’t a bad person and that people shouldn’t think that because he killed himself that he was in hell. I was able, during the funeral sermon, to say that while suicide is sin, it has never been an unpardonable sin and that doubtless heaven will have many occupants who committed suicide. The issue always is, have we embraced the Cross and trusted Christ alone for forgiveness.
Honestly, it has been my observation that most funerals are about the people attending more than either about the deceased or about the Triune God. More often than not funerals across the board, regardless of denominational trappings are quite man-centered. Praise God there are abundant exceptions.
Funerals are one of the clearest windows into the way people think, live, and act. I think it is because the pressure is on, stress is high, and mortality is staring at everybody. Not only a window into the lives of the family of the deceased but windows into those who put the funeral together and who are participating in the funeral.
Show me a funeral and I will tell you the theology and worldview of those in charge and those attending who are comfortable or uncomfortable with the funeral.
I’ve always said: the value of funerals is for those in attendance still living. The fate of the departed is sealed. Accordingly, preach some Samuel Davies over my body.
https://www.theexpositor.tv/blog/this-very-year-you-are-going-to-die-by-samuel-davies-january-1-1761/
I’ve never been to a funeral where it was openly stated that the deceased went to hell but I’ve been to many where I knew the deceased went to hell. That lady who spoke those words to you about your father is represented at every funeral. Often in the pulpit saying something along the lines of: “Nathan is looking down on us at this very minute and he would have us to know that he is in a better place. Blah, blah, blah.” Well, Nathan was a whoremonger who pimped out his second wife, was estranged from his children and first wife, lived only for carnal pleasure and died of a drug overdose in the arms of a loose woman after a night of heavy partying while his second wife was three hours away contemplating making changes in the life he led her into. Oh yeah, he got the drugs from his brother who couldn’t handle it and killed himself about five months later. The only faith either had ever known was being a Jehovah’s Witness. So notorious was Nathan that even the JWs kicked him out despite him writing them frequent five figure checks. I knew him inside and out. When I heard the news of his OD, I immediately kept yelling at him as if he could hear me… “Nathan, you stupid fool. Now look what you’ve done. You stupid stupid fool. Don’t you know this is permanent!” I know for a fact that Nathan is in hell. I know what he thought about Christ, how he spurned Him because he could never agree with His moral Law because it cramped his style. His funeral was attended by 800 or more. And several of his stripper friends dressed like they were “working”. But rest assured… Nathan is in a better place… said the lady hireling “minister”. I almost burst out saying: “Oh come on. We all know what kind of a person Nathan was and how he died. Let’s not pretend all is well because it most certainly is NOT!” I often think how that would have gone over. How would his brother have reacted? Would it have caused him to think differently? About guilt? About the only Person from whom mortals may obtain TRUE forgiveness of very real sins? About repentance from sin and faith towards God. The next funeral I attend, where I know the person rejected Christ and went to hell, I’m not going to be silent. I am going to talk to the most troubled person there and lay it out straight. Hell is forever.
Of course that is for folks I care about. There are PLENTY that I do NOT care for, even that I hate with “perfect hatred”, for them I openly rejoice. When the wicked die there are shouts of joy. (Proverbs 11:10) For example an abortionist, or the evil war profiteer Dick Cheney.